pain

prayer before the prayer

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
Desmond M. Tutu CC BY 2.0
 
 
I want to be willing to let go, to forgive.
but dare not ask for the will to forgive,
    in case you give it to me
    and I am not yet ready.
I am not yet ready for my heart to soften.
I am not yet ready to be vulnerable again.
Not yet ready to see that there is humanity in my tormentor’s eyes
    or that the one who hurt me may also have cried.
I am not yet ready for the journey.
I am not yet interested in the path.
I am at the prayer before the prayer of forgiveness.

Grant me the will to want to forgive.
Grant it to me not yet but soon
Can I even form the words?
Forgive me? Dare I even look?
Do I dare to see the hurt I have caused:
I can glimpse all the shattered pieces of that fragile thing
    that soul trying to rise on the broken wings of hope.
But only out of the corner of my eye.
I am afraid of it.
And if I am afraid to see
How can I not be afraid to say: Forgive me?

Is there a place where we can meet?
You and me
The place in the middle where we straddle the lines
Where you are right and I am right too.
And both of us are wrong and wronged.
Can we meet there?
And look for the place where the path begins
The path that ends when we forgive.
 
Desmond Tutu, 1931 – 2021 & Mpho Tutu, 1963- South African Anglican priests,
 
___________________________
 
 
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, 
    you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, 
    kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 
Make allowance for each other’s faults, 
    and forgive anyone who offends you. 
Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
 

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reconcile us

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
 
O God, Giver of Life, Bearer of Pain, Maker of Love,
    you are able to accept in us what we cannot even acknowledge:
    you are able to name in us what we cannot bear to speak of ;
    you are able to hold in your memory what we have tried to forget;
    you are able to hold out to us the glory that we cannot conceive of.
 
Reconcile us through your cross to all that we have rejected in ourselves,
    that we may find no part of your creation to be alien or strange to us,
    and that we ourselves may be made whole.
Through Jesus Christ, our love and our friend.
 
Janet Morely, British author, poet, and Christian feminist
 
___________________________
 
 
But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
 
 
For God in all his fullness
    was pleased to live in Christ,
 and through him God reconciled
    everything to himself.
He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth
    by means of Christ’s blood on the cross.

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prayer about growing old

/ Eric Mathews / 2 Comments
image by Vinoth Chandar via Flickr CC BY 2.0 DEED
 
 
When the signs of age begin to mark my body 
    and still more when they touch my mind;
when the illness that is to diminish me or carry me off
    strikes from without or is born within me;
when the painful moment comes 
    in which I suddenly awaken to the fact that
    I am ill or growing old;
in all these dark moments, O God, 
    grant that I may understand that it is you, 
        provided only my faith is strong enough,
    who are painfully parting the fibers of my being
    in order to penetrate to the very marrow of my substance
        and bear me away within yourself.
 
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, 1881 – 1955, French philosopher and Jesuit priest
 
___________________________
 
 
Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
    all the remnant of the house of Israel,
who have been borne by me from before your birth,
    carried from the womb;
even to your old age I am he,
    and to gray hairs I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
    I will carry and will save.

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the birth

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
image
 
When waves of pain contort Mary’s body
her face is cramped and pale
Her eyes scuttle apart like crabs
The waves pull, recede again
 
and attack more violently
She clings to the wagon wheel,
grits her teeth, and her screams
terrify the beasts in the stable
 
Joseph, pacing nervously,
stumbles and falls
At last, seated, he strokes her back,
grasps her hand; his strength flows into her
 
Then a tremendous power moves within Mary
Like the sun emerging from a mountain ravine
the infant’s head appears slowly, deliberately
Joseph grips it in both hands
 
Now the baby’s cry flies out, rends the night
Joseph’s doubts dissolve
On the straw bed
Mary peacefully shuts her eyes
 
Yorifumi Yaguchi, born 1935, Japanese Mennonite poet and pastor
 
________________________
 
 
And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

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Reconcile me that I may be made whole

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
image / picryl
 
O God, Giver of Life, Bearer of Pain, Maker of Love,
You are able to accept in me 
    what I cannot even acknowledge.
You are able to name in me 
    what I cannot bear to speak of.
You are able to hold in Your memory 
    what I have tried to forget.
You are able to hold out to me 
    the glory that I cannot conceive of.
Reconcile me through Your cross to all that I have rejected in myself,
    that I may find no part of Your creation to be alien or strange to me,
    and that I may be made whole,
through Jesus Christ my lover and my friend.
 
From Southwell Litany
 
__________________________
 
 
The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,
   and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ,
    provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

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