you call me back to atone

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
Return of the Prodigal Son, Rembrandt via Wikimedia commons
 
 
You call me back to atone,
to return,  
when you see how I’ve drifted
and gone away…

I stray from knowing your holy presence,
but you never take your eyes off me;
you take not even one step away:
you’re beside me, behind me,
above and below me,
you’re with me, Lord, on all sides…
 
But it only takes a turn of my heart,
a twist of my thoughts
in the blink of an eye
for me to forget (or do I fear?)
how close you are in every hour
of every night and day…

I stray from your love
though you’re so close at hand
and believe, in self-pity
you no longer care…
 
I choose my own way
as you walk by my side;
you follow my steps
as I turn from your path…
 
I want my own way
and insist that I’m right;
I assign you the blame
as I count my troubles…

But you stay by my side
and give me the freedom
to take your hand or walk away
in my foolishness and my fear…
And still you remain,
right by my side,
though I close my eyes
to yours seeking mine…

But you call me back, to atone, to return,
and with all my heart, I know you’re right:
I’ve drifted, I’ve strayed, I’ve gone away,
I’m lost and need to be found…
 
Give the grace, Lord, to turn my heart,
to turn my mind and thoughts to you;
to remember and trust how close you are,
how near’s the mercy you offer…
 
Call me back to atone and return
to the outstretched arms of your love
and ready my heart to be shaped again
in the image of your heart for me…
Amen.
 
Fr. Austin Fleming, Roman Catholic Priest in Massachusetts
concordpastor.blogspot.com

______________________________
 
Luke 15:20
 
So he returned home to his father.
And while he was still a long way off,
    his father saw him coming.
Filled with love and compassion,
    he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.

______________________________

Question:

When you’ve felt guilty and fearful towards God, 
    what difference would it make to know that God is near and close by,
    waiting for you to turn towards him and make things right?

sometimes I choose sin

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

Ash Wednesday, Carl Spitzweg via Wikimedia Commons

 
Father – the truth about me is that often I choose sin:
    Sometimes I choose hatred.  Sometimes I choose slander.
    Sometimes I choose envy.  Sometimes I choose greed.
    Sometimes I choose pettiness.  Sometimes I choose lust.
    Sometimes I choose gossip.  Sometimes I choose pride.
    Sometimes I choose self-reliance.
    Sometimes I choose self-righteousness.
    Sometimes I choose self-aggrandizement.
    Sometimes I choose dishonesty.
    Sometimes I choose unkind words.
    Sometimes I choose to ignore the obvious needs around me.
    Sometimes I choose to hoard my resources.
    Sometimes I choose to neglect Your command to share the gospel.
The list of things I wrongly choose could go on and on.  And sometimes
I act on these things in ways that are darker than I ever care to state.
Each time I make such a choice, I choose death.
Today, I ask that You breathe life into my soul afresh
    and enable me to choose life – to choose You and Your ways.
 
Kurt Bjorklund, 1968- , American Minister and author  
 
_________________________
 
Romans 6:23
 
For the wages of sin is death,
    but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

_________________________

Question:

What is an area of sin that you are most prone to return to?

Annoint the wounds

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
The Good Samaritan, ​Teofilo Patini via Wikimedia Commons
 
Anoint the wounds
of my spirit
with the balm
of forgiveness.
Pour the oil
of your calm
upon the waters
of my heart

Take the squeal
of frustration
from the wheels of my passion
that the power
of your tenderness
may smooth
the way I love

That the tedium
of giving
in the risk of surrender
and the reaching
out naked
to a world
that must wound

may be kindled fresh daily
in a blaze of compassion
– that the grain may fall gladly
to burst in the ground
– and the harvest abound.

Father Ralph Wright, 1938- , Benedictine Monk St Louis Abbey
Sharing the Darkness

_____________________

Luke 10:33-34

But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was;
    and when he saw him, he took pity on him.
He went to him and bandaged his wounds,
    pouring on oil and wine.
Then he put the man on his own donkey,
    brought him to an inn and took care of him.

_________________________

Questions

When have you been wounded caring for another person’s needs? 
Can you trust God to minister to your wounds in these times?

Have mercy on me, O God

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
The Good Samaritan, Aimé Morot, via Wikimedia Commons
 
I am the man who fell among thieves,
   even my own thoughts;
they have covered all my body with wounds,
   and I lie beaten and bruised,
But come to me, O Christ my Savior, and heal me.

   Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.

The priest saw me first,
   but passed by on the other side;
the Levite looked on me in my distress,
   but despised my nakedness.
O Jesus, sprung from Mary, do Thou come to me and take pity on me.

   Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.

O Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of all,
   take from me the heavy yoke of sin,
   and in Thy compassion grant me remission of sins.

   Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.

It is time for repentance: to Thee I come, my Creator.
Take from me the heavy yoke of sin,
   and in Thy compassion grant me remission of sins.

   Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.


Frederica Mathewes-Green, 1952- , American Orthodox author and speaker
_____________________

Ephesians 2:3-6

All of us used to live that way, 
    following the passionate desires and inclinations 
    of our sinful nature. 
By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, 
    just like everyone else.

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, 
    that even though we were dead because of our sins, 
    he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. 
(It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) 
For he raised us from the dead along with Christ 
    and seated us with him in the heavenly realms
    because we are united with Christ Jesus.

_________________________

Question

What is an area of your life where you need to cry out to God
     for mercy and forgiveness?

True Enlightenment

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

The Apparition of the Messiah, Alexander Andreyevich Ivanov, via Wikimedia Commons

 
Why can’t I retreat into a mountain
and enjoy the rest of my life, sipping wine,
looking at the moon and making haiku
like the one “enlightened”?

However hard and long I may raise
my insignificant voice of anger,
I know I cannot stop this stream;
but I cannot give up.

Those who attained perfect enlightenment
yell at me from this world and the other,
“Hey! You have been a Christian for a
long time.  How come you are not awakened yet!”

I do not want to attain enlightenment in the Buddhist sense.
My enlightenment is to follow Christ and go into the world.
I do not want to separate myself from the world.
And in the face of mounting injustice and misery,
I would like to live with those suffering people,
because Christ lives with them.

I often get lost, get angry, worry and make cries of protest,
but Christ is with me and soothes me.

Yorifumi Yaguchi, 1932- , Japanese Mennonite poet and pastor
Readings from Mennonite Writings New & Old

__________________________

Luke 6:20-22 

Then Jesus turned to his disciples and said,

“God blesses you who are poor,
for the Kingdom of God is yours.
God blesses you who are hungry now,
for you will be satisfied.
God blesses you who weep now,
for in due time you will laugh.

What blessings await you when people hate you 
    and exclude you and mock you and curse you as evil
    because you follow the Son of Man.”

__________________________

Questions

Who is someone in your neighborhood that could use your help? 
What is the need you can meet?

Nothing, I am nothing

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
​image via Pinterest
 
Lord, you wanted it, here I am on the ground.
I don’t even dare to rise, I don’t even dare look at you.
Nothing, I am nothing, I know it now.
Your light is terrible, Lord, and I’d like to escape it.
Since I have accepted you, you have bared my dwelling.
Every day, mercilessly, your light uncovers it,
And I see what I had never seen before.

I see the forest of my sins behind the tree that hid them.
I see innumerable roots, impossible to grasp,
I see that everything in me is an obstacle to you,
  as the smallest particle of matter blocks the sunlight
  and brings on the night.
I see the devil attacking the key-points of the fortress
  that I thought impregnable,
  and I find myself tottering and ready to fall.
I see my helplessness,
  I who thought that I could make myself of value to you.
I see that everything in me is mixed,
  and that not one of my actions is pure.
I see the infinite depth of each fault
  in the face of your infinite love.
I feel incapable of reaching a single soul,
  through the noise of my words and the wind on my gestures.
I see the Spirit blow where I haven’t toiled,
  and the grain take root where I haven’t sown.

Nothing, I am nothing, I accomplish nothing,
  I know it now.
Your light is hard, merciless, Lord.
No corner of my life and soul remain in the shadow.
Turn as I may, your light is everywhere,
And I stand naked and full of fear.

Formerly, I admitted that I was a sinner,
  that I was unworthy,
And I believed it, Lord, but didn’t know it.
In your presence I looked for some faults
  but produced only labored and feeble confessions.
Lord, it’s my whole being that kneels now
  It’s the sin that I am that asks forgiveness.

Lord, thank you for your light – I would never have known.
But, Lord, enough.  I assure you I’ve understood.
I am nothing
And you are all.

Michel Quoist, 1918 – 1997, French Catholic priest
Prayers of Life

________________

John 15:5 

I am the vine; you are the branches.
Whoever abides in me and I in him,
    he it is that bears much fruit,
    for apart from me you can do nothing

_________________________________

Question

Have you ever seen yourself as being important 
    to what God wants to accomplish?

My Ego is like a Fortress

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

Photo by Margarida CSilva on Unsplash  

 
My ego is like a fortress.
I have built its walls stone by stone
To hold out the invasion of the love of God.
But I have stayed here long enough.  There is light
Over the barriers. O My God-
The darkness of my house forgive
And overtake my soul.
I relax the barriers.
I abandon all that I think I am,
All that I hope to be,
All that I believe I possess.
I let go of the past,
I withdraw my grasping hand from the future,
And in the great silence of this moment,
I alertly rest my soul.
As the sea gull lays in the wind current,
So I lay myself in the spirit of God.
My dearest human relationships,
My most precious dreams,
I surrender to His care.
All that I have called my own
I give back.  All my favorite things
Which I would withhold in my storehouse
From his fearful tyranny,
I let go.
I give myself
Unto Thee, O my God.
    Amen.

Howard Thurman, 1899-1981, African-American theologian civil rights leader
Say Amen! The African American Family’s Book of Prayers

______________________

Psalm 51:17

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

______________________
 
Questions:

When you project your own ego, what do you think it looks like to other people?    

To God?

Drown my Transgressions

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

image

 
O Father in heaven,
I come to You in lowliness of heart
begging You to drown my transgressions
in the sea of You own infinite love.

My failure to be true even to my own accepted standards,
My self-deception in the face of temptation,
My choosing the worse when I know the better,
       O Lord, forgive.
My failure to apply to myself the standards of conduct I demand of others,
My blindness to the suffering of others
   and my slowness to be taught by my own,
My complacence toward wrongs that do not touch my own case
   and my over-sensitiveness to those that do,
My slowness to see the good in my fellows
   and to see the evil in myself,
My hardness of heart towards my neighbors’ faults
   and my readiness to make allowance for my own,
My unwillingness to believe that You have called me to a small work
   and my brother to a great one.
      O Lord, forgive.

John Baillie, 1886–1960, Scottish theologian
A Diary of Private Prayer, slightly edited
___________________________

Psalm 51:10-12

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit. 

_________________________

Questions

What is it like for you when you come clean 

    and confess your heart’s attitudes to God?  
Have you ever felt cleansed and renewed by God’s spirit?

How excellent is your mercy!

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

image via Vecteezy

 
O Lord our God, how excellent is your name in all the World!
Your glorious majesty is excellent, but that brings me nothing;
    your justice is excellent, but that brings me nothing.
It is your mercy that must do me good,
    and therefore your other excellencies I adore,
    but this I invocate.
To invoke your justice, I dare not;
    your glory, I cannot,
    but your mercy, I both dare and can.
 
For why should I not dare, when fear gives me boldness?
How should I not be able when weakness gives me strength?
Why should I not dare, when you invite me to it?
How should I not be able when you draw me to it?
 
Do you invite me, and I shall not come?
Do you draw me, and I shall draw back?
Can there be a patron so powerful as you?
Can there be a beggar so dejected as myself?
 
Whom, then, is it more fit to ask for mercy than you, O God,
    who are the God of mercy?
And for whom is it more fit to ask for mercy than for me
    who am a creature of misery?
 
Richard Baxter, 1615 – 1691, English Puritan
Reformation Commentary on Scripture Psalms 1-72

_________________________
 
Psalm 51:1-2
 
Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
  according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

_________________________

Questions

Do you believe that God’s mercies are always available for you?
Do you believe that God’s mercy invites and encourages you 
    to confess your failures to him?
 

I weave a silence on my lips . . .

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
Jesus Calming Storm by Jane Wilson Boyle via Pinterest
 
I weave a silence on my lips
I weave a silence into my mind
I weave a silence within my heart
I close my ears to distractions
I close my eyes to attractions
I close my heart to temptations

Calm me O Lord as you stilled the storm
Still me O Lord, keep me from harm
Let all the tumult within me cease
Enfold me Lord in your peace.
 
David Adam, 1936-2020, English priest, rector of Lindisfarne
The Book of a Thousand Prayers
 
_____________________________
 
Psalm 62:1-2
 
For God alone my soul waits in silence;
    from him comes my salvation.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
 
_____________________________
 
Questions
 
When have you experienced God’s peace most powerfully? 
What was the occasion or circumstance?