Lord, I sometimes wander away from you

The Lost Sheep, William James Webbe via Wikimedia Commons
 
Lord, I sometimes wander away from you.
But this is not because I am deliberately turning my back on you.
It is because of the inconstancy of my mind.
I weaken in my intention to give my whole soul to you.
I fall back into thinking of myself as my own master.
But when I wander from you,
   my life becomes a burden,
      and within me I find nothing
         but darkness and wretchedness,
            fear and anxiety.
So I come back to you,
   and confess that I have sinned against you.
And I know you will forgive me.

Aelred of Rievaulx, c. 1109-1167, Abbot of Rievaulx in northern England
2000 Years of Prayer

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Psalm 32:1-5 

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
    whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
    and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
For when I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to you,
    and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
    and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

______________________

Question

What would help you to evaluate your heart 
    and confess your sins to God on a more regular basis?

Evening Prayer of Forgiveness

Repentance of Mary Magdalene and Peter, El Greco, via Wikimedia Commons
 
O Lord Jesus Christ . . . .
    be merciful and forgive me, Your unworthy servant,
    if somehow I have sinned this day as a human,
    or rather as an inhuman.
Forgive my voluntary and involuntary sins,
    the ones I committed in knowledge or in ignorance,
    the ones that have been done
    out of evil influences and carelessness
    and my great indolence and negligence.
Forgive me, O Lord,
    if I have taken an oath by Your holy name
    or if I have violated my oath;
    if I have sworn in my mind
    or if I have somehow irritated You;
    if I have stolen
    or if I have lied;
    if a friend came to me and I ignored him
    or if I have distressed and embittered my brother . . . .
    if I looked upon vain beauty
    and my mind was attracted by it;
    if I was overly talkative about improper things
    or if I busied myself with faults of my brother
    and condemned him
    while overlooking my own innumerable faults;
    if I have neglected my prayer
    of if I have brought to mind any other evil thing.
Forgive me, O God,
    your useless servant,
    all these and whatever other things
    I have done and do not remember.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
    for You are good and You love mankind,
    so that I, the prodigal one,
    may go to bed and fall asleep
    glorifying You,
    together with the Father
    and Your all-holy, good and life-creating Spirit,
    now and ever and unto the ages of ages.
Amen.

St. Ephrem the Syrian c. 306-378, Syrian hymn writer and theologian

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Psalm 130:1-4

Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
     Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
    to my cry for mercy.
If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
    Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
    so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
___________________

Question

Thinking though today, what is something you did or didn’t do that you could ask forgiveness for?

My Ego is like a Fortress

Photo by Margarida CSilva on Unsplash  

 
My ego is like a fortress.
I have built its walls stone by stone
To hold out the invasion of the love of God.
But I have stayed here long enough.  There is light
Over the barriers. O My God-
The darkness of my house forgive
And overtake my soul.
I relax the barriers.
I abandon all that I think I am,
All that I hope to be,
All that I believe I possess.
I let go of the past,
I withdraw my grasping hand from the future,
And in the great silence of this moment,
I alertly rest my soul.
As the sea gull lays in the wind current,
So I lay myself in the spirit of God.
My dearest human relationships,
My most precious dreams,
I surrender to His care.
All that I have called my own
I give back.  All my favorite things
Which I would withhold in my storehouse
From his fearful tyranny,
I let go.
I give myself
Unto Thee, O my God.
    Amen.

Howard Thurman, 1899-1981, African-American theologian civil rights leader
Say Amen! The African American Family’s Book of Prayers

______________________

Psalm 51:17

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

______________________
 
Questions:

When you project your own ego, what do you think it looks like to other people?    

To God?

Drown my Transgressions

image

 
O Father in heaven,
I come to You in lowliness of heart
begging You to drown my transgressions
in the sea of You own infinite love.

My failure to be true even to my own accepted standards,
My self-deception in the face of temptation,
My choosing the worse when I know the better,
       O Lord, forgive.
My failure to apply to myself the standards of conduct I demand of others,
My blindness to the suffering of others
   and my slowness to be taught by my own,
My complacence toward wrongs that do not touch my own case
   and my over-sensitiveness to those that do,
My slowness to see the good in my fellows
   and to see the evil in myself,
My hardness of heart towards my neighbors’ faults
   and my readiness to make allowance for my own,
My unwillingness to believe that You have called me to a small work
   and my brother to a great one.
      O Lord, forgive.

John Baillie, 1886–1960, Scottish theologian
A Diary of Private Prayer, slightly edited
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Psalm 51:10-12

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit. 

_________________________

Questions

What is it like for you when you come clean 

    and confess your heart’s attitudes to God?  
Have you ever felt cleansed and renewed by God’s spirit?

How excellent is your mercy!

image via Vecteezy

 
O Lord our God, how excellent is your name in all the World!
Your glorious majesty is excellent, but that brings me nothing;
    your justice is excellent, but that brings me nothing.
It is your mercy that must do me good,
    and therefore your other excellencies I adore,
    but this I invocate.
To invoke your justice, I dare not;
    your glory, I cannot,
    but your mercy, I both dare and can.
 
For why should I not dare, when fear gives me boldness?
How should I not be able when weakness gives me strength?
Why should I not dare, when you invite me to it?
How should I not be able when you draw me to it?
 
Do you invite me, and I shall not come?
Do you draw me, and I shall draw back?
Can there be a patron so powerful as you?
Can there be a beggar so dejected as myself?
 
Whom, then, is it more fit to ask for mercy than you, O God,
    who are the God of mercy?
And for whom is it more fit to ask for mercy than for me
    who am a creature of misery?
 
Richard Baxter, 1615 – 1691, English Puritan
Reformation Commentary on Scripture Psalms 1-72

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Psalm 51:1-2
 
Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
  according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

_________________________

Questions

Do you believe that God’s mercies are always available for you?
Do you believe that God’s mercy invites and encourages you 
    to confess your failures to him?
 

I weave a silence on my lips . . .

Jesus Calming Storm by Jane Wilson Boyle via Pinterest
 
I weave a silence on my lips
I weave a silence into my mind
I weave a silence within my heart
I close my ears to distractions
I close my eyes to attractions
I close my heart to temptations

Calm me O Lord as you stilled the storm
Still me O Lord, keep me from harm
Let all the tumult within me cease
Enfold me Lord in your peace.
 
David Adam, 1936-2020, English priest, rector of Lindisfarne
The Book of a Thousand Prayers
 
_____________________________
 
Psalm 62:1-2
 
For God alone my soul waits in silence;
    from him comes my salvation.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
 
_____________________________
 
Questions
 
When have you experienced God’s peace most powerfully? 
What was the occasion or circumstance?

Deliver me from myself

Mother Teresa via Picryl

Lord, when I think that my heart is overflowing with love
    and realize in a moment’s honesty
    that it is only myself that I love in the loved one.
Deliver me from myself.

Lord, when I think I have given all that I have to give
    and realize in a moment’s honesty
    that it is I who am the recipient,
Deliver me from myself.

Lord, when I have convinced myself that I am poor
    and realize in a moment’s honesty
    that I am rich in pride and envy,
Delivery me from myself.

And, Lord, when the Kingdom of Heaven
    merges deceptively
    with the kingdoms of this world,
Let nothing satisfy me but God.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, 1910-1997
HarperCollins Book of Prayers

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Psalm 40:11-13

Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
    my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
    and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased to save me, Lord;
    come quickly, Lord, to help me.

___________________________

Question

Have you had moments of honesty like these,
  where you realized that your best actions
  included mixed, impure motives?

God, help me with my thoughts!

book cover of “Scattered Thoughts of a Disorganized Mind” by Andrea Koerner

God help me with my thoughts!
They stray from me, setting off on their wildest journeys.
When I am in church, they run off like naughty children,
   quarreling, making trouble.
When I read the Bible, they fly to a distant city,
   filled with beautiful women.
My thoughts can cross an ocean with a single leap;
   they can fly from earth to heaven,
   and back again, in a single second.
They come to me for a fleeting moment,
   and then away they flee.
No chain, no locks can hold them back;
   no threats of punishment can restrain them,
   no hiss of a lash can frighten them.
They slip from my grasp like tails of eels;
   they swoop hither and thither like swallows in flight.
Dear, chaste Christ, who can see into every heart and read every mind,
   take hold of my thoughts.
Bring my thoughts back to me,
   and clasp me to yourself.
 
Celtic prayer, c.450-c.700
 
_____________________
 
 
You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
 
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.
 
_____________________
 
Questions:

What do you need God to do in your thought life?
Can you ask God to heal your diseased imagination?

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Breathe on our dust – Ash Wednesday Prayer

image via Pinterest

We respectfully submit, O God,
on this Ash Wednesday,
within our grieving
deaths and diagnoses,
that life offers us enough reminders of death
to need a liturgical one.

So remind us,
gracefully,
that we are ritually marked by death
in order to live—
and to live more abundantly.
Remind us,
faithfully,
that you breathed on the dust that became us,
and that you will breathe on the dust we become,
and that your breath on dust
always means life
and light and love.
Remind us,
hopefully,
always,
of Your presence with us,
day by day—
breathing—
fulfilling us with life ever new.
Amen.

John Ballenger, Baptist pastor in Maryland

___________________


Psalm 90:3-12

You return man to dust
and say, “Return, O children of man!”
For a thousand years in your sight
are but as yesterday when it is past,
or as a watch in the night.

You sweep them away as with a flood;
they are like a dream,
like grass that is renewed in the morning:
in the morning it flourishes and is renewed;
in the evening it fades and withers.

For we are brought to an end by your anger;
by your wrath we are dismayed.
You have set our iniquities before you,
our secret sins in the light of your presence.

For all our days pass away under your wrath;
we bring our years to an end like a sigh.
The years of our life are seventy,
or even by reason of strength eighty;
yet their span is but toil and trouble;
they are soon gone, and we fly away.
Who considers the power of your anger,
and your wrath according to the fear of you?

So teach us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom.

________________

Question:


When you think about your life and death
And one day returning to the earth,
how does the truth that God will breathe over your dust once again                                      give you comfort or hope?

God, we greet your coming in Jesus Christ

Altarpiece of the Seven Joys of Mary, c 1480 France, via Wikimedia Commons
 
We greet your coming, God, with wonder:
You come to be with us;
    yet you remain far greater than we can imagine.
You are near;
    yet your wisdom sets you apart from us.
You appear among us;
    yet we cannot describe your glory.

We greet your coming, God, with repentance:
We are more or less satisfied with ourselves;
    but your presence exposes our sin and failure.
We are self-confident;
    but you challenge our confidence in ourselves.
We are proud of our understanding;
    but you show us that we do not know everything.

We greet your coming, God, with joy:
We had no true idea of what you are like;
    but you have shown us yourself in Jesus Christ.
We felt our human life could be of no importance to you;
    but you have shown its value by appearing among us as a man.
We are aware of the gulf between us and you;
    but you have bridged it with love.

God, we greet your coming in Jesus Christ our Lord!

Caryl Micklem 1925 – 2003 English Reformed minister
_______________________

Psalm 77:11-14

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
    and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
    What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders
    you have made known your might among the peoples.
 
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How can you greet the coming of Jesus with wonder, repentance, and joy?

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