confession

Lord, I sometimes wander away from you

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
The Lost Sheep, William James Webbe via Wikimedia Commons
 
Lord, I sometimes wander away from you.
But this is not because I am deliberately turning my back on you.
It is because of the inconstancy of my mind.
I weaken in my intention to give my whole soul to you.
I fall back into thinking of myself as my own master.
But when I wander from you,
   my life becomes a burden,
      and within me I find nothing
         but darkness and wretchedness,
            fear and anxiety.
So I come back to you,
   and confess that I have sinned against you.
And I know you will forgive me.

Aelred of Rievaulx, c. 1109-1167, Abbot of Rievaulx in northern England
2000 Years of Prayer

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Psalm 32:1-5 

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
    whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
    and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
For when I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to you,
    and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
    and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

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Question

What would help you to evaluate your heart 
    and confess your sins to God on a more regular basis?

We come to pray for ourselves…

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
Photo by Chris Zhang on Unsplash

God of our times, our years, our days.
  You are the God of our work,
        of our rest,
        of our weariness.
Our times are in your hands. We come to you now
    in our strength and in our weakness,
    in our hope and in our despair,
    in our buoyancy and in our disease.
We come to pray for ourselves and for all like us
    who seek and yearn for life anew with you and from you
        and for you.

We pray to you this day, for ourselves and others like us in our greed
  We are among those who want more,
        more money, more power, more piety, more sex,
        more influence, more doctrine, more notice,
        more members,
        more students, more morality, more learning, more shoes.
  Be for us enough and more than enough,
    for we know about your self-giving generosity.

We pray to you this day; for ourselves and others like us
        in our disconsolation.
  We are not far removed from those without.
        without love. without home, without hope,
        without job, without health care.
  We are close enough to vision those who must
        check discarded butts to see if there is one more puff,
        who must rummage and scavenge for food.
        for their hungers are close to ours.
  Be among us the God who fills the hungry with good things,
        and sends the rich away empty.

We pray to you this day, for ourselves and others like us
    who are genuinely good people,
    who meditate on your Torah day and night.
    who are propelled by and for your best causes.
    who are on the right side of every issue,
    who wear ourselves out in obedience to you,
        and sometimes wear others out with our good intentions.
Be among us ultimate enough
        to make our passions penultimate,
        valid but less than crucial.
 
We are your people. We wait for you to be more visibly
    and palpably our God.
So we pray with our mothers and fathers, ” Come, Lord Jesus.”
We wait for your coming with all the graciousness we can muster.
Amen.
 
Walter Brueggemann, 1933 – 2025,  American Protestant Old Testament theologian 
 
________________
 

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, 
    that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

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open my hand

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
photo by Oladimeji Odunsi on Unsplash
 
 
You have called me to open my hand
    so that you can fill it.
 
But I would not open my hand.
I held the world tightly 
    and kept my hand shut.
I would not let it go.
 
But please God,
    open my hand for me.
And do not only open my hand, 
    but also open my mouth –
  and not only my mouth,
    but my heart also.
 
Grant that I may know nothing but you,
    that I may count everything as loss compared to you,
    and that I may strive to be conformed to you.
 
Jeremy Taylor, 1613-1667, English cleric, imprisoned during the Protectorate
 
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I am the Lord your God,
    who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.
    Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.

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things I know that I should not wish for

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Do Not Covet (THE COMMANDMENTS)
image by loswl via Flickr CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
 
Father, I know that I should not wish for my neighbor’s (nicer) house, 
    or my neighbor’s (more beautiful/ handsome) spouse.  
I must not think to myself that I should have anything belonging to someone else –
    not ever the smallest thing. Not even their dog.
 
In the other nine commandments you have forbidden 
    all injuries and evil practices against my neighbors.  
Now you charge me to beware of thinking any evil thoughts against them.
 
And for this reason I have great reason to praise you.  
You care about my home and everything I own, even my dog, 
    and you command everyone else never to wish they had all my things, 
    instead of me.
 
The apostle said we should be 
    “casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” 
It is true, and I find it true. 
In this way you care for us, and so you would have us care for one another.
 
But gracious Lord, I must confess that I have forgotten 
    and have broken this commandment, and I still do every day.  
I am wishing and coveting every minute of every hour.  
I could have been content, 
    but I have always thought my neighbor had too much, and I too little.  
And the dregs of these things, Lord, are not quite out of my heart.  
I deserve your severe justice.
 
But keep in mind the frailty of my flesh, 
    the corruptions of my nature, and the many temptations.  
Remember how I am able to do nothing of myself – 
    and how I would come to nothing if left to myself.  
Be merciful and pardon me in this way also, for the sake of your son. 
Amen.
 
John Bradford, 1510-1555, English reformer and martyr
 
___________________________
 
 
You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; 
you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, 
or his male servant, or his female servant, 
or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.

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Give us the grace to admit . . .

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
 
Lord Jesus, we are silly sheep who have dared to stand before you
    and try to bribe you with our preposterous portfolios.
Suddenly we have come to our senses.
We are sorry and ask you to forgive us.
Give us the grace to admit we are ragamuffins,
   to embrace our brokenness,
   to celebrate your mercy 
        when we are at our weakest,
    to rely on your mercy no matter what we may do.
Dear Jesus, gift us to stop grandstanding and trying to get attention,
    to do the truth quietly without display,
    to let the dishonesties in our lives fade away,
    to accept our limitations,
    to cling to the gospel of grace,
    and to delight in your love.
 
Brennan Manning, 1934-2013, American author, laicized priest, and speaker
 
____________________________
 
 
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. 
There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
 

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to sweep out the corners

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
image by Louis Henri de Fontenay
 
 
God, we come
with hesitant steps
and uncertain motives
to sweep out the corners
where sin has accumulated,
and uncover the ways
we have strayed from Your truth.
 
Expose the empty and barren places
where we don’t allow you to enter.
Reveal our half-hearted struggles
where we have been indifferent
to the suffering of others.
 
Nurture the faint stirrings of new life,
where your spirit has begun to grow.
Let your healing light transform us
into the image of Your Son.
For You alone can bring new life
and make us whole.
 
Christine Sine, Australian physician and contemplative activist
 
_______________________________
 
 
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

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you have forgiven me such great sins

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
 
What return shall I make to the Lord 
    for my ability to recall these things with no fear in my soul? 
I will love you, Lord, and thank you, and praise your name, 
    because you have forgiven me such great sins and such wicked deeds. 
I acknowledge that it was by your grace and mercy 
    that you melted away my sins like ice. 
I acknowledge, too, that by your grace 
    I was preserved from whatever sins I did not commit,
    for there was no knowing what I might have done, 
    since I loved evil even if it served no purpose. 
I avow that you have forgiven me all,
    both the sins which I committed of my own accord 
    and those which by your guidance I was spared from committing.

What man who reflects upon his own weakness 
    can dare to claim that his own efforts have made him chaste and free from sin, 
    as though this entitled him to love you the less, 
    on the ground that he had less need of the mercy 
    by which you forgive the sins of the penitent? 
There are some who have been called by you 
    and because they have listened to your voice 
    they have avoided the sins which I here record and confess for them to read. 
But let them not deride me for having been cured by the same Doctor 
    who preserved them from sickness, 
    or at least from such grave sickness as mine. 
Let them love you just as much, or even more, than I do, 
    for they can see that the same healing hand 
        which rid me of the great fever of my sins 
        protects them from falling sick of the same disease. 
 
St. Augustine of Hippo, 354-430
 
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I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”

The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
 that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.
 

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have mercy and cleanse me

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
photo by Zeynep Yilmaz via pexels
 
 
Have mercy on me, O life-giver, through your goodness.
In your great tenderness soothe away my faults.
Cleanse me of my guilt,
    do not hold my failures against me.
For I have come to see that I fail you,
    when I have not acknowledged with my whole being
    that I am made truly in your image;
    in not walking in your ways I have sinned against you.
You are love and truth itself
    and seek sincerity of heart;
  teach me the secrets of wisdom.
Cleanse me from all that prevents me
    from listening to your word.
 
Ianthe Pratt, organizer of Catholic women’s activities in London
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Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
    and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

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mourning my sin

/ Eric Mathews / 2 Comments

Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash

 
Eternal Father,
You are good beyond all thought,
    but I am vile, wretched, miserable, blind;
My lips are ready to confess,
    but my heart is slow to feel,
    and my ways reluctant to amend.
I bring my soul to you;
    break it, wound it, bend it, mold it.
Unmask to me sin’s deformity,
    that I may hate it, abhor it, flee from it.
My natural abilities have been a weapon of revolt against you;
    as a rebel I have misused my strength,
    and served the foul adversary of your kingdom.
 
Give me grace to mourn my unconscious folly.
Grant me to know that the way of transgressors is hard,
    that evil paths are wretched paths,
    that to depart from you is to lose all good.
I have seen the purity and beauty of your perfect law,
    the happiness of those in whose hearts you reign,
    the calm dignity of the walk to which you call,
         yet I daily violate and condemn your precepts.
 
All these sins I mourn, lament, and for them cry pardon.
Work in me a more profound and abiding repentance;
Give me the fullness of a godly grief that trembles and fears,
    yet ever trusts and loves,
    which is ever powerful and ever confident;
Grant that through the tears of repentance may see more clearly
    the brightness and glories of your saving cross.
 
 
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Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, 
    but worldly sorrow brings death. 
See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: 
    what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, 
    what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. 

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Forgive our sin, O Lamb of God

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
Lamb of God, via Flickr, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 DEED
 
 
The sins of the world,
such dreadful sins.
not just the personal sins
but the solidarity of sin
greater than the total
    of individual sin
nuclear evil in endless fission,
    O Lamb of God.
 
The sin of racial pride
that sees not the faith
    that all men are divinely made
nor the riches of pigment
    in portrait faces,
the same psychology
and religious search,
that each is the sibling
    for whom Christ died.
 
The burgeoning greed
    that never heeds the needs of others
involved in a merciless system,
looking only at profit and dividend,
the last of possessions
    that cannot accompany us
    at our last migration:
Take away these sins,
    O Lamb of God.
 
The massive sin of war,
    millions of lives impersonally destroyed,
billions of pounds wasted
    on weapons, bombs,
    truth enslaved,
    the hungry still unfed,
    grief stalking unnumbered homes:
Weep over us,
    O Lamb of God.
 
The sin of the world,
    alienation from thee
    not just weakness
    but evil intention,
organized and unrestrained
    with its own momentum
    leading to death:
O Lamb of God,
    take away this sin.
 
Begin with me,
O Lamb of God,
    forgive my sins,
    cleanse my heart,
    disarm my will
    and let me fight
    armed with thy truth, righteousness and love
    with thy cross of love
    incised upon my heart,
        O Lamb of God.
 
George Appleton, 1902-1993, Anglican Bishop in England and Jerusalem
 
________________________
 
 
The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, 
“Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!
 

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