fear

Lord, I sometimes wander away from you

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
The Lost Sheep, William James Webbe via Wikimedia Commons
 
Lord, I sometimes wander away from you.
But this is not because I am deliberately turning my back on you.
It is because of the inconstancy of my mind.
I weaken in my intention to give my whole soul to you.
I fall back into thinking of myself as my own master.
But when I wander from you,
   my life becomes a burden,
      and within me I find nothing
         but darkness and wretchedness,
            fear and anxiety.
So I come back to you,
   and confess that I have sinned against you.
And I know you will forgive me.

Aelred of Rievaulx, c. 1109-1167, Abbot of Rievaulx in northern England
2000 Years of Prayer

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Psalm 32:1-5 

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
    whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
    and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
For when I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to you,
    and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
    and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

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Question

What would help you to evaluate your heart 
    and confess your sins to God on a more regular basis?

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
Christ heals a Demoniac, Jean-Guillaume Carlier via Wikimedia Commons
 
​Lord, I want to love you, yet I’m not sure.

    I want to trust you, yet I’m afraid of being taken in.
    I know I need you, yet I’m ashamed of the need.
    I want to pray, yet I’m afraid of being a hypocrite.
    I need my independence, yet I fear to be alone.
    I want to belong, yet I must be myself.
    Take me, Lord, yet leave me alone.
    Lord, I do believe; help my unbelief.
O Lord, if you are there, you do understand, don’t you?
Give me what I need but leave me free to choose.
Help me work it out my own way, but don’t let me despair.
    Come unto me, O Lord – I want you there.
    Lighten my darkness – but don’t dazzle me.
    Help me to see what I need to do and give me strength to do it.
O Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief.
 
Brother Bernard SSF, 1928-2007, English Franciscan
The Oxford Book of Prayer


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Mark 9:20-24 
 
And they brought the boy to him.
And when the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy,
    and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth.
And Jesus asked his father,
    “How long has this been happening to him?”
And he said, “From childhood.
    And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him.
    But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.”
And Jesus said to him,
    “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.”
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said,
    “I believe; help my unbelief!”

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Questions

When have you prayed, needing God to do something big,
  but were unsure if your request was within God’s will and purpose?
Have you ever approached God with a real need but were unsure of how to pray?  

prayer before the prayer

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Desmond M. Tutu CC BY 2.0

 
I want to be willing to let go, to forgive.
but dare not ask for the will to forgive,
    in case you give it to me
    and I am not yet ready.
I am not yet ready for my heart to soften.
I am not yet ready to be vulnerable again.
Not yet ready to see that there is humanity in my tormentor’s eyes
    or that the one who hurt me may also have cried.
I am not yet ready for the journey.
I am not yet interested in the path.
I am at the prayer before the prayer of forgiveness.

Grant me the will to want to forgive.
Grant it to me not yet but soon
Can I even form the words?
Forgive me? Dare I even look?
Do I dare to see the hurt I have caused:
I can glimpse all the shattered pieces of that fragile thing
    that soul trying to rise on the broken wings of hope.
But only out of the corner of my eye.
I am afraid of it.
And if I am afraid to see
How can I not be afraid to say: Forgive me?

Is there a place where we can meet?
You and me
The place in the middle where we straddle the lines
Where you are right and I am right too.
And both of us are wrong and wronged.
Can we meet there?
And look for the place where the path begins
The path that ends when we forgive.
 
Desmond Tutu, 1931 – 2021 & Mpho Tutu, 1963- South African Anglican priests
 
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Colossians 3:12-13
 
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves,
    you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy,
    kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
Make allowance for each other’s faults,
    and forgive anyone who offends you.
Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

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Questions

When have you experienced forgiveness and a restored relationship with someone else?
What are some of the steps you could take to initiate a forgiveness in another relationship?

Blessing for the day’s work

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Security of the People, ​Seymour Fogel, Wikimedia Commons

 
I will not let you go, O Lord, until you bless me;
    so bless me this day, this hour, this moment:
 
Bless my mind to discern the one thing that this day requires;
Bless my heart to remain at peace in the face of fear;
Bless my will to resist all needless distractions;
Bless my hands to do the work that you have entrusted to me;
Bless my ears to be attuned to your voice;
Bless my eyes to see the signs of your presence;
Bless my feet to go wherever you would lead me.
 
I pray this so that I might be
    like the birds of the air
    and the lilies of the field,
    free of worry and secure
    in the enfolding care
    of my Father in heaven.
I pray this in your name.
Amen.
 
Prayers for the Pilgrimage
W. David O. Taylor, American theologian and Anglican priest
 
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Blessed are all who fear the Lord,
    who walk in obedience to him.
You will eat the fruit of your labor;
    blessings and prosperity will be yours.
 

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protect my heart

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
image by Annija U via Pexels
 
I give you my heart, 
    and I humbly pray that you would always keep it in your hands,
    since it is so unfaithful in loving what is good.
When it is in my control, 
    it is prone to follow all sorts of evils.
Oh Father, 
    keep my heart steadfast and unalterable in your ways.
Let it not be inclined to any evil thing 
    nor lean toward any of my former vanities.
Keep my eyes from looking upon and my ears from listening
    to any sort of wickedness.
Do not let my lips utter anything that is ungodly 
    or my feet move even a step in any of the paths of death,
    but hold my whole spirit, soul, and body in a righteous fear of you.
Keep me comfortable in the hope of your favor,
    through Jesus Christ, my blessed Lord and only Savior.
Amen.
 
John Kettlewell, 1653-1695, English clergyman and devotional writer
 
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May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. 
May your whole spirit, soul and body 
    be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

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seeing Easter through fresh eyes

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The Women at the Sepulchre, Benjamin West, Brooklyn Museum
 
Lord,
as if the shock of Good Friday wasn’t enough for your closest followers…

We feel for those faithful women who went to visit you
just after sunrise on that Sunday morning,
and fled, trembling and bewildered and afraid.

You were not there.

Forgive us when we sanitise your death.
And forgive us, too, if we belittle your resurrection!

Please help us to see this most incredible of moments,
this greatest twist of any plot,
through fresh eyes,
on this bewildering, yet most joyful of mornings.

Help us to see it through the tear-filled eyes of those women.

Help us to see it through the disbelieving eyes of the men,
some of whom came running.

And help us to glimpse it through your own eyes,
which must have blinked into the early morning sunlight
of that first Easter Day,
from out of complete, and utter, darkness,
and refocused,
and creased, with a smile.

You are risen indeed.
 
 
Brian Draper, Christian writer in the UK 
 
_________________________________
 
 
On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, 
    the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 
They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 
    but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 
While they were wondering about this, 
    suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 
In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, 
    but the men said to them, 
        “Why do you look for the living among the dead? 
          He is not here; he has risen! 
          Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 
           ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, 
             be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” 
Then they remembered his words.
 

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Lord, raise up my soul

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Gregory of Nazianzus, by Peter Paul Rubens via Wikimedia Commons
 
The breath of life, O Lord, seems spent.
My body is tense, my mind filled with anxiety,
Yet I have no zest, no energy.
I am helpless to allay my fears
I am incapable of relaxing my limbs.
Dark thoughts constantly invade my head,
And I have no power to resist them.
 
Was ever an oak tree buffeted by wind,
As the gales of melancholy now buffet my soul?
Was ever a ship tossed by the waves,
As my soul is now tossed by misery?
Did ever the foundation of a house crumble,
As my own life now crumbles to dust?
 
Friends no longer want to visit me.
You have driven away my spiritual brethren.
I am now an outcast from your church.
No longer the flowers want to bloom for me.
No longer the trees come into leaf for me.
No longer the birds sing at my window.
 
My fellow Christians condemn me as an idle sinner.
Lord, raise up my soul, revive my body.
 
Gregory of Nazianzus, 329-389, Archbishop of Constantinople
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Hear my prayer, Lord;
    let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
    when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
    when I call, answer me quickly.

For my days vanish like smoke;
    my bones burn like glowing embers.
My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
    I forget to eat my food.
In my distress I groan aloud
    and am reduced to skin and bones.
I am like a desert owl,
    like an owl among the ruins.
I lie awake; I have become
    like a bird alone on a roof.
All day long my enemies taunt me;
    those who rail against me use my name as a curse.
For I eat ashes as my food
    and mingle my drink with tears
 because of your great wrath,
    for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.
My days are like the evening shadow;
    I wither away like grass.

But you, Lord, sit enthroned forever;
    your renown endures through all generations.
You will arise and have compassion on Zion,
    for it is time to show favor to her;
    the appointed time has come.
 

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faith that saves from despair

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Bonhoeffer by AldrianMimi, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
 
Lord Jesus Christ,
you were poor and miserable, imprisoned and abandoned
    like me.
You know all human needs;
you stay with me when no one stands by me;
you do not forget me, but look for me;
you want me to know you and to come to you.
Lord, I hear your call and follow.
Help me!
 
Holy Spirit,
give me faith
that will save me from despair and evils.
Give me the love for God and other people
that removes all hate and all bitterness;
give me the hope
that frees me from fear and despondency.
Teach me to know Jesus Christ and to do his will
 
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, 1906 – 1945, German  theologian and martyr
 
_______________________
 
 
For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, 
leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 
He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 
When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; 
    when he suffered, he did not threaten, 
    but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

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Grace to believe and to love God

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Flannery O’Connor, Cmacauley, CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons
 
 
Please let Christian principles permeate my writing 
    and please let there be enough of my writing (published)
    for Christian principles to permeate.
I dread, Oh Lord, losing my faith. 
My mind is not strong.
It is prey to all sorts of intellectual quackery.
I do not want it to be fear which keeps me in the church.
I don’t want to be a coward, staying with You because I fear hell.
I should reason that if I fear hell, I can be assured of the author of it
But learned people can analyze for me why I fear hell 
    and their implication is that there is no hell.
But I believe in hell.
Hell seems a great deal more feasible to my weak mind than heaven.
No doubt because hell is a more earthly seeming thing.
I can fancy the tortures of the damned
    but I cannot imagine the disembodied souls 
    hanging in a crystal for all eternity praising God.
It is natural that I should not imagine this.
If we could accurately map heaven some of our up & coming scientists
    would begin to draw blueprints for its improvement,
    and the bourgeois would sell guides 10 cents the copy to all over 65.
But I do not mean to be clever although I do mean to be clever on 2nd thought
    and like to be clever and want to be considered so.
But the point more specifically here is,
    I don’t want to fear to be out, I want to love to be in;
    I don’t want to believe in hell but in heaven.
Stating this does me no good.
It is a matter of the gift of grace.
Help me to feel that I will give up every earthly thing for this.
 
Flannery O’Conner, 1925 – 1964, American Catholic writer, 
A Prayer Journal, journalled when she was 22
 
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The Lord is good to all;
    he has compassion on all he has made.
All your works praise you, Lord;
    your faithful people extol you.
They tell of the glory of your kingdom
    and speak of your might,
 so that all people may know of your mighty acts
    and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
    and your dominion endures through all generations.
 

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to become people of your light

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Adorazione dei Magi by Bartolomé Esteban Murillo via Wikimedia Commons
 
 
On Epiphany day,
     we are still the people walking.
     We are still people in the dark,
          and the darkness looms large around us,
          beset as we are by fear,
                                        anxiety,
                                        brutality,
                                        violence,
                                        loss —
          a dozen alienations that we cannot manage.

We are — we could be — people of your light.
     So we pray for the light of your glorious presence
          as we wait for your appearing;
     we pray for the light of your wondrous grace
          as we exhaust our coping capacity;
     we pray for your gift of newness that
          will override our weariness;
     we pray that we may see and know and hear and trust
          in your good rule.

That we may have energy, courage, and freedom to enact
         your rule through the demands of this day.
         We submit our day to you and to your rule, 

                                  with deep joy and high hope.
 
Walter Brueggemann, 1933 – 2025,  American Protestant Old Testament theologian
Prayers for a Privileged People
 
________________________________
 
 
After this interview the wise men went their way. 
And the star they had seen in the east guided them to Bethlehem. 
It went ahead of them and stopped over the place where the child was. 
When they saw the star, they were filled with joy! 
They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, 
    and they bowed down and worshiped him. 
Then they opened their treasure chests 
    and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.