Jesus

if you want me to believe in you

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

The Hem of His Garment, via Pinterest

 
My God, I do not love you,
I do not even desire it.
I am weary of you.
Perhaps I do not even believe in you.
But look on me in passing.
Hide yourself for a moment in my soul,
  put it in order by a breath
  without my knowing it,
  without saying a word of it to me.
If you want me to believe in you,
  give me faith.
If you want me to love you,
  give me love.
I do not have any and I can do nothing for it.
I give you what I have:
  my weakness,
  my sorrow.
  And that tenderness which torments me
  and that you see so well…
  And that despair…
  And that crazy shame…
  My pain, nothing but my pain…
  And my hope!
It is everything.

Marie Noël, 1883 – 1967, French Catholic poet
The Westminster Collection of Christian Prayers

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Mark 5:25-34

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 
She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors 
    and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.  
When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd 
    and touched his cloak, because she thought, 
        “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” 
Immediately her bleeding stopped 
    and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.
At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. 
He turned around in the crowd and asked, 
    “Who touched my clothes?”
“You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, 
    “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”
But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 
Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, 
    came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, 
    told him the whole truth.
He said to her, 
    “Daughter, your faith has healed you.  
     Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
 
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Question

When have you been desperate for God to intervene in your life or the life of someone close to you?

Evening Prayer of Forgiveness

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
Repentance of Mary Magdalene and Peter, El Greco, via Wikimedia Commons
 
O Lord Jesus Christ . . . .
    be merciful and forgive me, Your unworthy servant,
    if somehow I have sinned this day as a human,
    or rather as an inhuman.
Forgive my voluntary and involuntary sins,
    the ones I committed in knowledge or in ignorance,
    the ones that have been done
    out of evil influences and carelessness
    and my great indolence and negligence.
Forgive me, O Lord,
    if I have taken an oath by Your holy name
    or if I have violated my oath;
    if I have sworn in my mind
    or if I have somehow irritated You;
    if I have stolen
    or if I have lied;
    if a friend came to me and I ignored him
    or if I have distressed and embittered my brother . . . .
    if I looked upon vain beauty
    and my mind was attracted by it;
    if I was overly talkative about improper things
    or if I busied myself with faults of my brother
    and condemned him
    while overlooking my own innumerable faults;
    if I have neglected my prayer
    of if I have brought to mind any other evil thing.
Forgive me, O God,
    your useless servant,
    all these and whatever other things
    I have done and do not remember.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
    for You are good and You love mankind,
    so that I, the prodigal one,
    may go to bed and fall asleep
    glorifying You,
    together with the Father
    and Your all-holy, good and life-creating Spirit,
    now and ever and unto the ages of ages.
Amen.

St. Ephrem the Syrian c. 306-378, Syrian hymn writer and theologian

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Psalm 130:1-4

Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
     Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
    to my cry for mercy.
If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
    Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
    so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
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Question

Thinking though today, what is something you did or didn’t do that you could ask forgiveness for?

forgiveness that recreates

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
“Reconciliation” by Vasconcellos, Coventry Cathedral
​
 
Jesus’ prayer was, ‘Father, forgive them,
they know not what they do.’
A prayer born in death, writhing with pain.
A prayer risking faith, facing the sorrow.
A prayer living in hope, seeing the future.
 
My prayer was, ‘God, how can I forgive them?
They do know what they did.’
A prayer saying, ‘ It still hurts.’
A prayer wanting vengeance.
A prayer seeking direction.
 
My prayer became, ‘God, help me forgive them;
they know what they did.’
A prayer saying, ‘They were wrong.
A prayer wanting reconciliation.
A prayer seeing courage.
 
My prayer became, ‘God, forgive them;
they know what they did.’
A prayer that wrestled with injustice.
A prayer that acknowledges weakness.
A prayer that found hope in God’s love.
 
My prayer remains, ‘God, forgive them;
they know what they did.’
Because forgiveness recreates life from death.
Because forgiveness cleanses the healing wound.
Because forgiveness builds the bridge of freedom.
 
Jared P. Pingleton, Christian psychologist, author, and speaker

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Matthew 18:18-19
 
Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven,
    and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask,
    it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.

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Questions:

What is one relationship that would benefit from forgiveness and renewal?
How can you “loose on earth” the hurts you’ve experienced 
    so that heaven might be brought to earth?

a broken, divided family

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

Prodigal Son by Fr. Sieger Koder

 
We are a broken, divided family
of lonely individuals,
each alone;
truly, we’re not a family.
Communication with each other
seems impossible,
and love vanishes into the void.
Yet both are what we desperately need.
We all need and want
each other,
but we’re too proud to admit it,
or to confess
what we’re each to blame
for our separation,
loneliness, and pain.
We add brick upon brick
to the wall that divides
and isolates us.

You alone are our hope,
O God of our salvation.
Your love breaks down
walls that isolate and divide us.
Your love heals, forgives,
and makes us whole again.
Restore us, O God of our salvation.
Reconcile us,
that we may be a family,
and live.

Vienna Cobb Anderson, Episcopal Priest from Virginia
The Complete Book of Christian Prayer
 
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Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. 
When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing.  
So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 
    ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, 
    ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf 
     because he has him back safe and sound.’
The older brother became angry and refused to go in. 
So his father went out and pleaded with him. 
But he answered his father, 
    ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you 
     and never disobeyed your orders. 
    Yet you never gave me even a young goat 
     so I could celebrate with my friends. 
    But when this son of yours 
     who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, 
     you kill the fattened calf for him!’
 
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Question

What relationships are broken 
    and need God to work restoration and reconciliation?

you call me back to atone

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
Return of the Prodigal Son, Rembrandt via Wikimedia commons
 
 
You call me back to atone,
to return,  
when you see how I’ve drifted
and gone away…

I stray from knowing your holy presence,
but you never take your eyes off me;
you take not even one step away:
you’re beside me, behind me,
above and below me,
you’re with me, Lord, on all sides…
 
But it only takes a turn of my heart,
a twist of my thoughts
in the blink of an eye
for me to forget (or do I fear?)
how close you are in every hour
of every night and day…

I stray from your love
though you’re so close at hand
and believe, in self-pity
you no longer care…
 
I choose my own way
as you walk by my side;
you follow my steps
as I turn from your path…
 
I want my own way
and insist that I’m right;
I assign you the blame
as I count my troubles…

But you stay by my side
and give me the freedom
to take your hand or walk away
in my foolishness and my fear…
And still you remain,
right by my side,
though I close my eyes
to yours seeking mine…

But you call me back, to atone, to return,
and with all my heart, I know you’re right:
I’ve drifted, I’ve strayed, I’ve gone away,
I’m lost and need to be found…
 
Give the grace, Lord, to turn my heart,
to turn my mind and thoughts to you;
to remember and trust how close you are,
how near’s the mercy you offer…
 
Call me back to atone and return
to the outstretched arms of your love
and ready my heart to be shaped again
in the image of your heart for me…
Amen.
 
Fr. Austin Fleming, Roman Catholic Priest in Massachusetts
concordpastor.blogspot.com

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Luke 15:20
 
So he returned home to his father.
And while he was still a long way off,
    his father saw him coming.
Filled with love and compassion,
    he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.

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Question:

When you’ve felt guilty and fearful towards God, 
    what difference would it make to know that God is near and close by,
    waiting for you to turn towards him and make things right?

sometimes I choose sin

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

Ash Wednesday, Carl Spitzweg via Wikimedia Commons

 
Father – the truth about me is that often I choose sin:
    Sometimes I choose hatred.  Sometimes I choose slander.
    Sometimes I choose envy.  Sometimes I choose greed.
    Sometimes I choose pettiness.  Sometimes I choose lust.
    Sometimes I choose gossip.  Sometimes I choose pride.
    Sometimes I choose self-reliance.
    Sometimes I choose self-righteousness.
    Sometimes I choose self-aggrandizement.
    Sometimes I choose dishonesty.
    Sometimes I choose unkind words.
    Sometimes I choose to ignore the obvious needs around me.
    Sometimes I choose to hoard my resources.
    Sometimes I choose to neglect Your command to share the gospel.
The list of things I wrongly choose could go on and on.  And sometimes
I act on these things in ways that are darker than I ever care to state.
Each time I make such a choice, I choose death.
Today, I ask that You breathe life into my soul afresh
    and enable me to choose life – to choose You and Your ways.
 
Kurt Bjorklund, 1968- , American Minister and author  
 
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Romans 6:23
 
For the wages of sin is death,
    but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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Question:

What is an area of sin that you are most prone to return to?

Have mercy on me, O God

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
The Good Samaritan, Aimé Morot, via Wikimedia Commons
 
I am the man who fell among thieves,
   even my own thoughts;
they have covered all my body with wounds,
   and I lie beaten and bruised,
But come to me, O Christ my Savior, and heal me.

   Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.

The priest saw me first,
   but passed by on the other side;
the Levite looked on me in my distress,
   but despised my nakedness.
O Jesus, sprung from Mary, do Thou come to me and take pity on me.

   Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.

O Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of all,
   take from me the heavy yoke of sin,
   and in Thy compassion grant me remission of sins.

   Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.

It is time for repentance: to Thee I come, my Creator.
Take from me the heavy yoke of sin,
   and in Thy compassion grant me remission of sins.

   Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.


Frederica Mathewes-Green, 1952- , American Orthodox author and speaker
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Ephesians 2:3-6

All of us used to live that way, 
    following the passionate desires and inclinations 
    of our sinful nature. 
By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, 
    just like everyone else.

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, 
    that even though we were dead because of our sins, 
    he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. 
(It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) 
For he raised us from the dead along with Christ 
    and seated us with him in the heavenly realms
    because we are united with Christ Jesus.

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Question

What is an area of your life where you need to cry out to God
     for mercy and forgiveness?

True Enlightenment

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

The Apparition of the Messiah, Alexander Andreyevich Ivanov, via Wikimedia Commons

 
Why can’t I retreat into a mountain
and enjoy the rest of my life, sipping wine,
looking at the moon and making haiku
like the one “enlightened”?

However hard and long I may raise
my insignificant voice of anger,
I know I cannot stop this stream;
but I cannot give up.

Those who attained perfect enlightenment
yell at me from this world and the other,
“Hey! You have been a Christian for a
long time.  How come you are not awakened yet!”

I do not want to attain enlightenment in the Buddhist sense.
My enlightenment is to follow Christ and go into the world.
I do not want to separate myself from the world.
And in the face of mounting injustice and misery,
I would like to live with those suffering people,
because Christ lives with them.

I often get lost, get angry, worry and make cries of protest,
but Christ is with me and soothes me.

Yorifumi Yaguchi, 1932- , Japanese Mennonite poet and pastor
Readings from Mennonite Writings New & Old

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Luke 6:20-22 

Then Jesus turned to his disciples and said,

“God blesses you who are poor,
for the Kingdom of God is yours.
God blesses you who are hungry now,
for you will be satisfied.
God blesses you who weep now,
for in due time you will laugh.

What blessings await you when people hate you 
    and exclude you and mock you and curse you as evil
    because you follow the Son of Man.”

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Questions

Who is someone in your neighborhood that could use your help? 
What is the need you can meet?

Nothing, I am nothing

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment
​image via Pinterest
 
Lord, you wanted it, here I am on the ground.
I don’t even dare to rise, I don’t even dare look at you.
Nothing, I am nothing, I know it now.
Your light is terrible, Lord, and I’d like to escape it.
Since I have accepted you, you have bared my dwelling.
Every day, mercilessly, your light uncovers it,
And I see what I had never seen before.

I see the forest of my sins behind the tree that hid them.
I see innumerable roots, impossible to grasp,
I see that everything in me is an obstacle to you,
  as the smallest particle of matter blocks the sunlight
  and brings on the night.
I see the devil attacking the key-points of the fortress
  that I thought impregnable,
  and I find myself tottering and ready to fall.
I see my helplessness,
  I who thought that I could make myself of value to you.
I see that everything in me is mixed,
  and that not one of my actions is pure.
I see the infinite depth of each fault
  in the face of your infinite love.
I feel incapable of reaching a single soul,
  through the noise of my words and the wind on my gestures.
I see the Spirit blow where I haven’t toiled,
  and the grain take root where I haven’t sown.

Nothing, I am nothing, I accomplish nothing,
  I know it now.
Your light is hard, merciless, Lord.
No corner of my life and soul remain in the shadow.
Turn as I may, your light is everywhere,
And I stand naked and full of fear.

Formerly, I admitted that I was a sinner,
  that I was unworthy,
And I believed it, Lord, but didn’t know it.
In your presence I looked for some faults
  but produced only labored and feeble confessions.
Lord, it’s my whole being that kneels now
  It’s the sin that I am that asks forgiveness.

Lord, thank you for your light – I would never have known.
But, Lord, enough.  I assure you I’ve understood.
I am nothing
And you are all.

Michel Quoist, 1918 – 1997, French Catholic priest
Prayers of Life

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John 15:5 

I am the vine; you are the branches.
Whoever abides in me and I in him,
    he it is that bears much fruit,
    for apart from me you can do nothing

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Question

Have you ever seen yourself as being important 
    to what God wants to accomplish?

Drown my Transgressions

/ Eric Mathews / Leave a comment

image

 
O Father in heaven,
I come to You in lowliness of heart
begging You to drown my transgressions
in the sea of You own infinite love.

My failure to be true even to my own accepted standards,
My self-deception in the face of temptation,
My choosing the worse when I know the better,
       O Lord, forgive.
My failure to apply to myself the standards of conduct I demand of others,
My blindness to the suffering of others
   and my slowness to be taught by my own,
My complacence toward wrongs that do not touch my own case
   and my over-sensitiveness to those that do,
My slowness to see the good in my fellows
   and to see the evil in myself,
My hardness of heart towards my neighbors’ faults
   and my readiness to make allowance for my own,
My unwillingness to believe that You have called me to a small work
   and my brother to a great one.
      O Lord, forgive.

John Baillie, 1886–1960, Scottish theologian
A Diary of Private Prayer, slightly edited
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Psalm 51:10-12

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit. 

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Questions

What is it like for you when you come clean 

    and confess your heart’s attitudes to God?  
Have you ever felt cleansed and renewed by God’s spirit?